gnome - n. One of a fabled race of dwarflike creatures who live underground and guard treasure hoards. [French, from New Latin gnomus.]
What does Webster know about gnomes?!? This is the real story. . .
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far, away. . .
On a planet called Gnomia to be exact. . .
There lived a race of gnome people who longed to conquer anything and everything they laid their plaster eyes on. when the GSA (gnomian space association, of course) sent search gnomes out toward our neck of the woods, the observed that the only "intelligent" life in the galaxy was on Earth. The Royal Gnome Force (R.G.F.) sent out soldiers to go out toward earth. Without much stuggle, they conquered Pluto, Neptune, Uranus, Saturn, Jupiter, and Mars along the way.
A scientist may tell you that a giant meteor could have been the cause of the dinosaur's demise, but in fact the lawn gnomes destroyed them all. After "conquering" the earth, the lawn gnomes inhabited the place until neanderthals evoled from monkeys and eventually progressed to civilization.
Upon realizing that there was once again intelligent life on the earth that wasn't them, the lawn gnomes were at a loss and were reduced to mere lawn decorations, until the R.G.F. devised an ingenius plan to overthrow the humans. Every night, when the humans were asleep, the lawn gnomes would steal the cars of their victims and go joyriding into the early hours of the morning, causing the gas to run out much faster than just a human driving the car, which in effect would cause the victim to go to the gas station more often, and inhale the fumes more frequently, which everyone knows can cause serious problems in the victim's health.
Or they just kill you in your sleep.
To this day the plan is in effect, with only the educated few and their pink, plastic lawn flamingoes to try to save the human race.
